Skip to main content

I've Got a Message for Body Shamers Everywhere

It's starts with an F and ends with a U.

[This is also an episode of Friday Free Talk on The Tranquility Tribe Podcast on iTunes. Listen here.]

"First, I'm not mad at you." 

Not the response you thought, huh? It's true, there will be people who will be ugly about your body. This can come at any moment during your parenthood journey. It may be a stranger mistaking you for being pregnant to someone being downright rude about your postpartum body. The way we perceive people is very much based in appearance. I'm talking about things like how rich you think someone is or how smart you think they might be, even how successful you think they are. From your face being symmetrical to your height to your combination of hair and eye color all affect the way you are perceived. 

You can't blame your sister in law or that rude cashier for their comment. Your mother-in-law may not actually know any different. People feel like it's okay to speak about pregnant people's bodies as they please. It's societal. Society has taught us that we can talk about how big or small and high or low someone's belly is or whether they are having a boy or girl. It's rude and if it's unsolicited and from a stranger, it's creepy. Sometimes people mean it to be sweet, sometimes people mean it to be ugly.

There is a caveat. 

I think you were being nice...? 

Sometimes, people say things about your body because they don't know how else to interact with you, but the energy of your baby is too strong. I know, sounds weird, but I promise humans have this connection to babies that strangers will do wild things to pregnant women or babies. Grocery Stores and Coffee Shops are minefields-- enter with caution and at your own risk! 

I'll be honest, I've made comments about expectant parents' bodies before because I genuinely was trying to be kind and sweet. I like to go by the rule of "now that you know better, do better." Now that you know that it is rude, educate yourself on what you can say and then be conscious of what you are saying to expectant people. 

You're a Baby Making Temple

It blows my mind that other people can body shame another human who is growing a tiny human. Think about how amazing your body is that it can grow another human and then birth that tiny human and that tiny human will grow up to be another big human. Let that sink in. 

When your baby is born, I often hear some variation of "I made this." Yep, you did. Not all by yourself, but kind of all by yourself. Since conception, it's been a solo show, well physically at least. You've had to follow a specific diet, sleep is hard, the emotions are a roller coaster, and activities are limited since you've been pregnant. All because your body is working so hard to make a tiny human. That's phenomenal. 

So what's a gal to do?

Body shaming is never okay. What someone else does with their body is not any of your business and vice versa (partners are the exception if that's how you roll). It's not your choice and it doesn't have anything to do with you. Unless someone particularly asks your opinion, I'm not sure why you would share your opinion. 

  1. Dive Deeper This person obviously has an opinion so ask them. Ask them. They opened up the conversation so dig in. You may find that they actually have very useful information. Maybe you'll may find out that they didn't know what else to say and at that point you can take the opportunity to educate them. 
  2. Filter Your Village During Pregnancy, you may find that you need temporary space for a person or group of people. That's okay. Protecting your headspace is most important and if that's what needs to happen then remind yourself that it's temporary. You want to be surrounded by people who build you up and support you and who remind you how hard your body is working and are compassionate to the changes your body is making.  
  3. Give Alternatives Take a minute to educate them by telling them alternative things to say when they want to interact with an expectant parent like, "You look beautiful pregnant," or "You are glowing." If they are talking about how excited they are to have a baby, you can say, "You're already looking like a parent," or "You look like you're ready to have this baby!" You should also explain how their original comment made you feel and how it might be perceived by pregnant people. Sometimes other people just don't know and that's that. 
  4. Set Boundaries If it is someone you have to be around often and can't truly take temporary space for months. Be honest and set realistic boundaries. Tell that person how their comments, make you feel, what alternatives they can say instead, and whether you actually want them to ask about your pregnancy or not. 
  5. Be Loud and Proud Let body shamers know you are proud of your body. This will set the tone that they are expected to be proud of your body, too. Your stretch marks are awards that you have won for making, growing and birthing a tiny human. You are a strong warrior. Brave like a Tiger. I am woman, hear me roar. Now, it's your turn. 

Be Your Own #1

You have to find it in yourself to put yourself first sometimes. Your self care is everything. Remember, you can not pour from an empty cup. You have to set time aside for yourself in order to appreciate yourself. You need to connect with your body to truly see how hard it is working. Take the time to be your own #1.


Don’t forget to join our private Facebook, 
The Tranquility Tribe Podcast, and follow us on Instagram at @tranquilitybyhehe!

"Welcome to the Tranquility Tribe"

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Vagina Whispering: Everyone's Doing It

Meet The Vagina Whisperer [This is also an episode of Friday Free Talk on The Tranquility Tribe Podcast on iTunes. Listen  here .] Hey Tranquility Tribe!  I’m so excited to bring you this episode of the Tranquility Tribe podcast!  Today, Hehe talked to Sara Reardon, also known as the Vagina Whisperer.  As you may be able to guess from her nickname, Sara is an expert in all things vagina, which means that this episode is full of super essential and often understated topics! Who is the Vagina Whisperer? Sara Reardon is a physical therapist who currently practices in New Orleans.   She specializes in men and women’s pelvic floor health, and she is passionate about speaking up when it comes to treatment and prevention of pelvic health issues.   By bringing humor to the often sensitive topic of staying healthy “down there,” Sara helps to unpack countless vagina-related topics that many women have experience with but few are comfortable talking about.   In addition t

Sexual Wellness with Rebecca Alvarez Part 1 of 2

Sexual Wellness Products with Rebecca Alvarez (Part 1 of 2 of our interview derived from The Birth Lounge Podcast Episode 130 ) You GUYS. I am SO excited to bring this interview to life here on the blog. Did you know that 98% of all feminine care products has at least 1 toxic ingredient? That's scary! Rebecca Alvarez earned her BA in Women’s Health & Sexuality from UC Berkeley and her MA in Sexuality Studies from San Francisco State and is the founder of The Bloomi. She is joining me to dive deep into what’s wrong with traditional sexual wellness products, how to spot harmful ingredients and false labeling, and what you need to know about long term effects of these issues in sexual wellness and women’s health! So Let's have Rebecca introduce herself! Rebecca : I consider myself a sexual wellness expert. I'm also an entrepreneur and my passion is bringing clean intimate care products to women and femmes. I'm sure we'll talk about why that's important and wha

8 Questions to Ask During a Doula Interview

8 Questions to Ask During a Doula Interview  Ever see something on the internet that makes you cringe... Do you ever see anything on the internet that makes you cringe so hard that you want to scream? I can name a couple: the incessant bickering on FB, the mom's groups that everyone thinks they are a medical doctor or a licensed psychologist, and don't forget about the person who post what they are doing when they are doing it every single day (I also worry about their safety!). Whew, it's exhausting.  Over my time as a doula, there is one thing that still makes me cringe just as hard now as it did the very first time I experienced it. There is nothing worse than an expectant parent who shows up to an interview with printed questions from the internet. The worst questions are the ones that highlight the fact that this person truly has no idea what a doula can truly do to transform their birth experience. The questions of "How long have you been a doula?&quo