Skip to main content

When Nurses Perpetuate the Patriarchy

When Nurses Perpetuate the Patriarchy

All right. I had something planned for you, but then, after being in a birth I decided to bring something different to the table today.  It's just something that I walked away with a reminder of and I wanted to pass it along so if you are having your baby soon, hopefully you will remember this and you'll come back to this conversation and find that confidence to speak up. 

So what I want to share today about is how nurses can perpetuate the patriarchy of birth. And when I'm talking about the patriarchy of birth, I truly am talking about the medical system taking the power away from birthing people.  I think that there is a place where our medical system can be second tier, right? And that birthing person is the top tier. They're literally the top of the totem pole. They are number one on the pyramid. They are the peak, right? And the medical system, the medical staff, the doctor are below them. I truly believe this.  So, so deeply because I've seen it be practiced. I have seen practitioners who practice like that. And they're like, 'Hey, whatever you want to do!'. They really respect their place in the hierarchy. They really understand consent and they truly understand informed consent and informed refusal. They are happy to be respectful of reformed informed refusal. 

BUT, this is not the practice across the board.  So much so I really believe we have to stop the way that we are 'helping' people birth and we have to do do things differently. That means putting these birthing people on top of that pyramid at the top of that pole, totem pole, number one on the list- EVERY SINGLE TIME. This is your birth. Right?

I want to make very, very clear. Most nurses are so good. I really do believe that most nurses are amazing. I think very seldomly, are you going to encounter a nurse that is a bit of a sour Apple.  I don't believe you get those very often. However, here's what I will tell you again, we have to go back to their training.   We have to go back to what is being taught to these people. And they probably have no idea how it comes across to birthing people. They probably have no idea because this how they were taught to take care of people and help keep people safe in this way. 

So your job as the consumer to say, actually, that doesn't feel great. To say 'We're going to do this a little bit differently because I remember that I'm on top of the totem pole. This is my birth, and I'm getting to make the decisions here'. Right? 

So how do we do this? Let's just go through some examples. Anytime a nurse tells you flat out, 'No' or 'I wouldn't recommend that'-  I would encourage you to clarify. Are they saying no, because it's a safety issue or are they saying no, because that's their preference? Because if that's their preference, unfortunately that is not going to actually be a 'no' in our book. This is your birth. So if it is to keep me and that baby safe, of course, happy to listen to their advice.   However, if it's your preference that I stay on my back, I'm probably going to be moving, right?

If it's your preference that I don't eat something and you're saying that because that is the 'hospital policy', I am happy to inform you that the recommendations actually have been updated based on more current research than what seems to be the hospital policy.  You can say things like, 'I want to be honest and upfront with you, but I'm going to make this decision and you have a science to back it up.'

Even if you don't have the science to back you up, and this is your preference, this is your birth and your preferences should be abundantly clear.  Just because this person is the nurse, or just because this person has that higher education in medicine, or just because this person is your OB-  does it mean that they make the decisions for you? It's not how that works. This is shared decision-making.  We have to be mindful of that. Just because this person holds a certain degree or is a certain provider does not override informed consent. 

Sometimes providers will just be like all up in your vagina. They want to feel if you're making progress.  They probably do have a reason, but if you have no idea why I think that it should be clarified. I mean, nobody should be in your vagina without you understanding why.  I feel like if this provider has something that they need to go up in there for, they just need to clarify it with you. Then ultimately you also have the right to say, 'Yeah, totally. Go ahead.'

Positioning is often an area of control in the hospital.  Some providers prefer women to birth on their backs.  Most babies actually progress more favorably in side lying or being on hands and knees. Being on your back, it's not really the best position. I mean, women are still told not to sleep on their back in pregnancy. So why would we have you lay down during labor all these hours? It's very bizarre. Well it's not really bizarre. It's patriarchy, right? Like what's good for the goose is actually not good for the gander here. However it should be. Here is where we can see nurses perpetuating the patriarchy in a way that they probably don't even know. They don't realize that they're taking the control out of somebody. We've got to start challenging these patriarchal kind of ideas. 

Here's another example. When your baby is actually crowning your legs are going to naturally close so that your perineum can stretch open and close as needed as your baby is turtling out. Remember, you want to listen to that reflex. (This is going to be unmedicated. If you have an epidural, you are likely not going to feel this.) If you feel this, you want to give into it. It's a good reflux. We want your legs to closed, to protect that perineum. What do nurses do? They yank those knees back.  You can speak up here and say it is your preference to allow your legs to close.  You can ask the nurse or provider not to touch your legs.  You don't have to be super aggressive. You can be in control and just requires you stepping up and kind of speaking up.

You have that right to say, if there's no medical necessity necessity right now, can we wait? They're going to tell you if it's not okay that you can wait.  If you're coherent and you're safe and your baby is safe and there's a conversation being had that you're not looped into it...something is wrong with that picture. 

You have to be in control of these conversations and it starts with you being involved in the conversation.  That goes back to shared decision making and ultimately comes down to you, making sure you're in shared decision-making that you're involved in those conversations, that nothing happens to your body, that you don't first have a conversation about, right? It's important that you are in control of these conversations.  

I want you to know that your nurses are so important. They really do play a crucial role. And that's why it's so important to get a good nurse and  a nurse that you align with.  I don't think nurses intentionally perpetuate any of this patriarchal stuff.  I really do think it is the way that they're taught.  I think that these patriarchal ideas are just so ingrained in medicine and it's gonna really take us pointing these things out and saying, 'Actually, I'd like for things to be done a little bit differently'.   So these things are just important to me that you know them as a consumer of medical care of obstetrical care, women's healthcare.  

Comments

  1. I am FRED and i want quickly recommend DR NCUBE for a Job well done by
    curing me from the genital herpes disease that have be giving me sleepless night. if you want to contact him, Simply do that via email drncube03@gmail.com or 
    call/whatsapp +2348155227532
    he also have #herbs for
    #hiv/aids
    #cancerdisease 
    #fibroid 
    #diabetes

    ReplyDelete
  2. The information you've provided is quite useful. It's incredibly instructional because it provides some of the most useful information regarding Registered Nurse jobs caring for people with disabilities Thank you for sharing that.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hello everyone, I am from Wembley, Britain. I want to write this testimony to tell others and thank Dr. Odunga for what he has done for me. The first 12 years of my marriage I had 5 miscarriages and I was called all sorts of names by my mother-in-law and this made my marriage life very hectic and a burden of sorrow. I contacted Dr. Odunga for help and I will say that he is a very strong and honest man and he indeed helped me solve my problem. I saw his email in a testimony and I contacted him, little did I know it would be the end of all my problems. After 2 days of contact, I received a fertility herb and he told me to use it. The herb worked and my husband even loved me more and bought me expensive things. One afternoon, I went to a nearby hospital and came back home with the positive result of my pregnancy and after 9 months I gave birth to a baby boy. Ever since I contacted Dr. Odunga, my story has been different. I have 3 children at present and I am very happy in my marriage. Please, contact him at odungaspelltemple@gmail. com OR Whats App him +2348167159012 to help you too

    ReplyDelete
  4. I want to testify to everyone on how my husband and i got children after our 5 years of marriage. we got married and we could not conceive a child we have been to several hospitals for checking and the doctors always say that we are okay that nothing is wrong with us, we have been hoping for a child, my husband was beginning to keep late night outside and pressure from the family for him to marry another wife and divorce me, i was always crying and weeping because i was loosing my marriage. so i visited my friend in Florida and she told me that she also have been through this same situation but she got her help of getting pregnant from a Herbal Doctor of fertility,, so she told me that she will connect me to the Herbal Doctor and he will prepare a FERTILITY HERBAL SOAP for me to have my own child, i spent 4days with her in Florida and we both email the Herbal Doctor and he said i should bring all my information to him and he said in 3days the Fertility soap will be prepared and he will send/ship it to me through UPS, after I used it as he instructed, so i waited and i went back made love with my husband and i conceive. so i am very grateful to the Herbal Doctor for his help and miracle that help me save my marriage. please for same help getting pregnant, contact him on zicoherbalhome@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. Are you having issues in your relationship, or finding it difficult to have a child of your own or are you the type having any diseases in your body. I will advice you to contact Dr. Abolo of Abolospell@gmail.com . The potency of his spell is so effective and can reunite broken relationship and can also make one get pregnant know matter the situation and not only that, he also has the power to cure all type of diseases within the period of 48hours.. Contact him today and thank me later.
    Contact details : Abolospell@gmail.com
    you can also contact hiim on whatsapp via: +27743411428.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have been suffering from Herpes for the past 1 years and 8 months, and ever since then i have been taking series of treatment but there was no improvement until i came across testimonies of Dr. voodoo on how he has been curing different people from different diseases all over the world, then i contacted him as well. After our conversation he sent me the medicine which i took according .to his instructions. When i was done taking the herbal medicine i went for a medical checkup and to my greatest surprise i was cured from Herpes. My heart is so filled with joy. If you are suffering from Herpes or any other disease you can contact Dr. voodoo today on this Email address: voodoospelltemple66@gmail.com or WhatsApp him on +2348140120719

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Do Inductions Really Rise Around the Holidays?

Do Inductions Really Rise Around the Holidays? As long as I can remember in my doula career, I have been told, both seriously and sarcastically, that inductions rise around the holidays because doctors want to control the births they will have to deliver on..let’s say Thanksgiving day or Christmas Day.  I have to be honest in that I never really paid much attention to it because our team typically takes off the end of the year! It has been an intentional decision in years past to not take births in the months of December and January. This provided us with the time to disconnect, visit family and friends, and wrap up one year + dive into the next with a solid foundation. As you well know, 2020 has changed so much of what we knew and, for us, this meant not having the space to disconnect without leaving birthing people vulnerable in a global crisis and not traveling for this holidays. With this, we decided to work straight through 2020 into the start of 2021. And in this moment, the enti

Is your IUD poisoning you?

Could your copper IUD being causing your body to be overloaded and in need of a serious detox? (This is also a podcast episode on The Tranquility Tribe podcast, if you prefer, listen  here .) Hey Tranquility Tribe! This week, we’re getting educated about a little-known, big problem that affects thousands of women around the world: copper toxicity. HeHe has had a copper IUD for about a year and loves it, but when she started experiencing some funky symptoms, she came across the topic of copper toxicity and knew she needed to do a deeper dive. There’s no one better to educate us about this than someone who has experienced it themselves, so HeHe enlisted the help of Kirby Costa Campos, who has made it her life’s mission to educate herself and others about copper toxicity and help women face the reality that the copper IUD may be playing a big role in occurrences of this poisoning.  Kirby had been ill on and off for many years and

Failed Inductions: What You Need to Know

Failed Inductions: What You Need to Know When we talk about inductions, we often speak of them like they are 100% guaranteeing us a baby at the end. While this is true most of the time, you’d probably be surprised to learn that indcutins can fail and you may be sent home to wait it out a bit longer. Or, if the option isn’t presented to you, you can ask or take yourself home. It is important to ensure that you and your baby are safe to go home.There are thousands of women each year that experience a failed induction and it can be very hard emotionally.  What is a failed induction? A failed induction is the inability to reach active labor while being induced . There is a certain process we want to take when it comes to induction. I call this your ‘individual induction equation.’ It’s truly individual to you and you get to introduce various induction methods as you see fit which makes your equation unique to you. First we want to ripen the cervix--it needs to be soft. You have options of