Can You Fire Your Boss?
Could you imagine a boss that is coercive, manipulative, blatantly lies (to you and others), promises impossible things at the expense of others, belittles and berates you, has zero boundaries, and has a bad case of the God Complex? You'd want to fire this person, right? Now, imagine if this was your midwife or OBGYN. You'd definitely want to fire this person, right?
You can't necessarily fire your boss at work, but if this is someone who is helping you have your baby, you can. You get to choose. You are in full control of who you allow in the room when your are laboring and birthing your child.
Plot Twist: You're the Boss
In Doctor-Patient relationships, YOU are the boss. You call the shots because this is YOUR body. Now there are limits to this. You don't have the right to diagnose yourself and just hope your doctors agree; nor can you demand what medications you want/need/deserve/can't live without. However, you do get the right to make decisions about your body. This includes - but isn't limited to - what goes in your body, what medications you consent to, what procedures you consent to, education about your options, education about advocacy, and access to educated support. These are also true for your newborn; you get to make the decisions and decide what you consent to.
How To Fire Your BossThe first step is to do your own research about topics that you and your doctor disagree about on. Most doctors have your best interest in mind as the patient and are most likely telling you the truth. Look into other options you have as well. If you find other options, approach your doctor and explain you'd like their opinion on what you have found as well wanting to discuss other options you may have on the topic in question.
Be sure to pay attention to your provider's (or anyone who is going to be on your birth team) reaction. If they belittle you, dismiss you, berate you, refuse to consider your viewpoint, or attempt to force a specific procedure/test/medication/etc. your way and you have made it clear you do not consent, it is time to fire your boss. On your way out of your appointment, stop by the front desk and request your records. If they say you must pay [a reasonable amount], do so. Otherwise, your new doctor may not have access to your records and will need to run all of the tests and ask all of the questions all over again, resulting in costly, redundant and unnecessary poking and prodding.
If it is a personality trait that you don't jive with and it is disruptive of bringing good energy to your birth team, you should change doctors. Again, this will require doing your own research to figure out who you want as your next practitioner. My advice is to always ask your friends in the area or an area parent/town group on Facebook. If you have a doula, she should be able to point you in the right direction, too.
Once you've decided that you want to fire your boss you should switch to a new care provider as quickly as possible with due diligence of looking into the providers you are considering. This can be challenging since most birthing people stay with the same OBGYN they have seen for ages. You want to avoid gaps in care just in case anything might happen. Be sure to call your insurance company or look online to make sure your new doctor is covered by your insurance and under your plan. Don't forget to consider the distance from your home to the hospital when choosing a new provider.
What if my boss finds out?
You are in charge here. This is your birth. You get to put together the birth team you deserve and you think will be encouraging support through the birthing process. If your current midwife or OBGYN is not that person for you, that is okay. Plus, people switch healthcare providers everyday. Just as so, they requests their medical records everyday, too. If you and your provider got into a heated argument or you voiced you would leave the practice, your provider will probably not be shocked when they hear you requested your medical records and didn't make a new appointment (Hint: they saw that one coming a mile away!).