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Making Peace with the Pain of Labor and Birth

Can You Really Control Pain During Labor and Delivery?

The way one woman births is completely different than any other woman. Even deeper, the way one woman wants to birth is unlike any other, as well. Women will each have their own specific way that they picture their birth going. I challenge you to imagine your ideal birth. I take my clients down specific path ways to explore this side of themselves.

So many things will impact the way you feel most comfortable birthing and I believe that one of those things --and a very big one-- is your relationship with pain. Some of this is out of your control like the way you feel pain and how deep that "feel"is exactly. Your pain threshold will also play a role in this. Finally, until you actually sit and think about pain, your relationship with pain has been determined for you by your past experiences.

With each heartache, broken arm, and nasty rumor, your body learned what emotional pain, physical pain, and mental pain was and it learned quick. Pain is not something your brain will continue to subject you to because continuous pain means death is impending! We want the opposite for your birth. Matter of fact, the opposite is happening. Life is entering--not leaving.

So What Is in Your Control?

Your mindset! Yes, you are totally, 100% in control of your mindset and you get to decide every single step of the way what is happening to you! You get to stay in absolute control as long as you have done the necessary work up front. What is the work you say? Sure! Let's dive in:

  1. What language are you using? Two of the most common problems I see are people self-sabotaging themselves with negative self-talk or they are stuck in the past. Both of these options leave absolutely zero room for whatever you are trying to achieve! Do your words reflect your goal or your struggles? Check yourself before you wreck yourself, sister. 
  2. What stories are you focusing on? If you are focusing on negative stories that end in emergency c-sections and cords wrapped around baby's neck, what the heck kind of message are you sending your uterus? That this is her only option?!  If you are only consuming stories of heartache and loss, you are leaving your body in such a low vibration that no baby will ever want to live there. Seek out stories that light you up, that are positive and share happy endings of miracles and perfect births.
  3. Are you being intentional with picking a team? You deserve the best care. You only get one chance at this birth. You don't want to walk away with any trauma or feelings of regret. You want to know that you did everything you could do ensure your birth was gentle and supported. This starts with picking the team of people that pour into you and support you. This starts with setting hard boundaries around who is and who isn't allowed in your birth room. You don't have any room for anyone to take energy from you.. you'll be birthing a human. You only have room for people who will give you energy and make you feel safe for the birth of your child.
  4. What bullshit answers are you accepting? If you feel the urge to look deeper into a question or probe a little more, do it. If you don't like the answer you've been given, ask around. If you think there must be more options, certainly do your research. Hire a doula. TBH has files upon files upon files of resources for our clients derived from all the questions of all our past clients--can you imagine the knowledge in that? (You can also access this magical knowledge through The TBH Portal)
  5. Are you doing the internal work? So many people don't know what this looks like. This is why I created the TBH Approach. To start, I challenge you to make at least 10 minutes each day, morning noon or night, to connect with your body and baby. I'm talking truly unplug from the outside work, sit in a quiet and calm place, and speak to your belly. Talk to your uterus and tell her all the things you want her to know. Sit and chat with your baby about how you envision your time together on the birth journey going. Sit and connect with your body to let it know that you trust in its power and its ability. Show gratitude and really believe in yourself. You have to believe it so your body believes it. 

So Where Do You Start?

Start with identifying your fears around birth and unraveling how you got there + why you feel the way you do. You need to identify triggers and themes in your past that are associated with painful events so that you can begin to understand the underlying things that may come up on this journey!

Here's a cheat sheet to shifting your inner-dialogue and beginning to bust through the fears that are holding you back in terms of your birth! 

If you are interested in joining our tribe to support you on your journey of mastering your mindset, trying to conceive, planning for your birth or taking control of your health, please email us at

To get a taste of the magic, don’t forget to join our private Facebook, The Tranquility Tribe  and follow us on Instagram at @tranquilitybyhehe!

"Welcome to the Tranquility Tribe"


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