A Survival Guide: Holidays After a Loss

Wednesday, November 27, 2019


(HeHe's article is published for Birch Baby HERE in its entirety.)

The holiday season can be hard for those who have experienced a loss this year. At a time of year that people are expected to automatically be happy and be cheery and bright-eyed, it can be painful to have to pretend to be enjoying yourself while you are dying inside. One mother described it as “a dark place of heartbreak and anger.” 

Through my work with Mothers’ who have experienced loss (or any kind of trauma), I have found that having a structure of mindsets to help you survive in high-stress situations is helpful. I was considering a survival guide for the holidays for expectant parents who have experienced loss, but then I thought why not just a general survival guide to help when you are coping with loss, no matter what time of year it is.

  • Know your limits (It’s people's’ job to respect that boundary). You have the right to pick and choose which events you attend and which events will too overwhelming emotionally. You can be honest with folks, too. It’s okay to say you aren’t ready, yet. If that’s too painful, have an excuse thought out beforehand. 
  • Share your feelings -or don’t- either way, you must advocate for yourself. By asking to be left alone or acknowledging the fact that you want to share is helping those around you learn how to best support you. Otherwise, you can politely tell people how they can best support you when they ask. 
  • Respect your own personal boundaries. At one point or another, you will find yourself in a situation that you thought you could handle, but turns out you weren’t ready. That’s okay, but know when to take a minute to be alone. Connect with your body, begin to recognize your body’s signs of feeling overwhelmed, and begin to remove yourself before you feeling out of control. 
  • Know when it’s bigger than you. Check out this blog on the “bigger than you approach” to interacting with challenging situations. We all have that one relative or friend of a friend who just won’t get it--no matter how hard you try. That’s okay. It’s not your job to help every single person you encounter understand, but it is your job to recognize when you’re causing yourself more stress than will pay off in the end. 
  • It’s OK to not be OK (and to say no). This is an important one. Refer to #1 where it says it’s okay to not only pick and choose which events you attend but to also be honest with people. See #3 where it says recognize and remove yourself from situations. I can’t stress enough how ok it is to not be ok. Literally, everyone has had moments when they were not okay and no one should expect you to be okay before you are ready. 
  • Start a new tradition to remember your baby. This one can be fun and can look like anything. I urge you to make it a celebration rather than a remembrance. I used to work with a family that got donuts each year to celebrate their angel baby’s birthday. They had two kids after their loss who knew what the holiday was and looked forward to the discussions about their brother each year. It can be as formal as you’d like, if that is your style, or as laid back as a donut date.

Part of the healing process is pushing yourself a healthy amount, but also recognizing the healing and work you still have to do. It’s okay to remember that sometimes the only cure is time. Surrounding yourself with those who care about you and will support you during this time is essential. Be vigilant on how much you push yourself during the holidays as it is already a stressful time of year. It’s okay to say no and to respect your own boundaries.

Happy Holidays to all the parents anywhere on this parenthood journey! Stay strong out there and remember to lean on your village when you need!


Don’t forget to check out our newest adventure The Birth Lounge, listen in to The Birth Lounge Podcast, and follow us on Instagram at @tranquilitybyhehe! 

Tips for Traveling with Baby

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

(HeHe's article is published for Mama Goose HERE in its entirety.)

Traveling over the holidays can be a struggle when you have tiny humans. Kids seem to add so many new layers to traveling…more than I even knew was possible. I am an avid traveler and have been supporting families with small children for nearly a decade. Through this, I have learned many tricks to making life simpler and smoother for parents. One of my favorite “life hacks” to share with parents of little ones is how to travel light. 

There’s no doubt that traveling with kids with inevitably create the need to travel with more stuff, but it doesn’t have to be a painful as many of us would image. I have put together a packing list for new parents that will help make traveling with kids much less of a headache! This podcast lays out tricks to make traveling with young children easier! Here is a list of clothing to pack for your baby, sleep necessities and helpful hints to minimize the “stuff” you have to bring along! 

For tips on what to pack for clothing, baby gear, sleep, baby carriers, and more check out the HeHe's full article here!

Bonus Tips:

  • Pack only a few diapers and wipes. When you get to your destination, you can purchase all the wipes and diapers you need. You’ll thank me later. 
  • Try to be as consistent as possible with your child’s sleep/bedtime routine. This will help your child feel safe and ease the anxiety that comes along with traveling by providing them with a predictable ending to their vacation days. Maintaining their sleep routines while on vacation will help your child get better, more restful sleep while away, too. 
  • Try changing over the contents of your diaper bag to a backpack! Backpacks are spacier and can be worn. There are precious backpack diaper bags! I love bags with stroller straps and a changing pad; especially made with Vegan Leather! Make sure your bag has enough storage space for a small electric breast-pump if you are using one.


FREE TRAVEL DOWNLOADS:

  • Click HERE for a {FREE} guide for Traveling with Newborns
  • Click HERE for a {FREE} guide for Traveling Light with Kids


We've know how hard this can be! We've got you covered. Get ready to travel on and make the sweetest memories with your littles!


Don’t forget to check out our newest adventure The Birth Lounge, listen in to The Birth Lounge Podcast, and follow us on Instagram at @tranquilitybyhehe! 

What I Learned From the Woman Who Threatened to Punch All Breastfeeding Moms and Babies

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

(HeHe's article is published for Family Education HERE in its entirety.)

Earlier this week, Carly Clark, a mother, posted a very violent and aggressive attack on breastfeeding mothers everywhere. In her post, she threatens to punch breastfeeding mothers and their babies if she sees anymore.
 “I’m not sorry – the next female that tries to whip her boob out to breastfeed in front of my kids will get a black eye, move that baby [because] I’ll punch it too #zerocare #why #inpublicletsjustshowkidsboobs #notmine.” 

As soon as I read it, my heart sank... yours did, too, didn’t it? It’s no wonder it’s going viral. Her reaction tells me that we have a bunch of adults who have zero emotional intelligence. It lets me know that as a society we struggle to understand that everyone gets to make their own choices and you don’t get a say in that. I encourage this mom to look deep inside herself, identify why she is feeling unworthy and unhappy with herself, and then deal with her own problems. She needs to work through those sticky emotions that came up.

One upset woman responded, “What in the actual hell??! How do people – especially a woman – still have this kind of mentality???! How ridiculous!! We have been feeding our babies the way our bodies intended since the dawn of time.”

Here is where my heart jumped in excitement because people are standing up to an clear exhibit of an unsafe mentality, but then I immediately took a big breath of “okay, we’ve got a lot of work to do.” I love to see people standing up for what they believe in, but we’ve gone so far from the idea of love and understanding that it’s painful. We have to start with love and trying to understand when we approach others.

(HeHe's article is published for Family Education HERE in its entirety.)

Don’t forget to check out our newest adventure The Birth Lounge, listen in to The Birth Lounge Podcast, and follow us on Instagram at @tranquilitybyhehe! 

8 Reasons Why Being Pregnant for the Holidays is Awesome

Wednesday, November 6, 2019


(HeHe's article is published for Family Education HERE in its entirety.)

The holidays can be a time of stress for so many of us. I wondered if pregnancy provided women with a sense of comfort or was an added factor to the holiday hustle and bustle. I reached out to moms in various stages of their pregnancy and parenting journey to see if the thoughts surrounding their holiday bumps were of sugar plums and presents or stockings filled with coal. This is a countdown to the number one reason why it is merrier than mistletoe to be expecting a tiny human during the holidays.

This is a countdown to the number one reason why it is merrier than mistletoe to be expecting a tiny human during the holidays. There's nothing better than being pregnant during the holiday season!

(HeHe's article is published for Family Education HERE in its entirety.)

Don’t forget to check out our newest adventure The Birth Lounge, listen in to The Birth Lounge Podcast, and follow us on Instagram at @tranquilitybyhehe! 
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